Ah, there you are emptiness. We two are such handy co-conspirators. What force is it that keeps us knocking heads? Big parties, you say? Oh, yes. That's it.
Is it me? Am I the only one who feels empty and deflated after big parties? In theory, these big parties seem like great inventions: see anybody who's anybody in one place. Brilliant. But, once you start getting into the actual details, well, it all falls apart. Talking about inane things with person after person? Not brilliant. Trying to hold the attention of a person so over-stimulated that they can't keep their eyes on you? Again, not brilliant. Screaming at people just to be heard? Not brilliant, I say. I feel my hours meaningless and stale. But maybe that's not the point. I don't think anybody ever sat down and thought, "Hmm, now here's something meaningful: big parties." I don't believe that everything we do has to be uber meaningful, but I do think that as humans we crave meaningful interactions with our fellow beings.We desire something beyond the superficial, something to give purpose a footing. We seek discovery, intimacy, even vulnerability. And big parties just don't do that. Yet we follow after our fallen god.
But perhaps I assume too much. Perhaps I am among the few disenchanted. Either way, I have to ask myself: Why do I do it? Why do I keep returning to my folly? Isn't there a better way? I don't want to be stuck with co-pilot emptiness, but I choose it. I don't know if I go out of obligation, or just because I do genuinely want to see my friends, and I believe it might be different (always room for a little hope, non?). But, something's gotta change. I've got to find a better way. Who's with me?